I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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