The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
