Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
