I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
and she was petting her beer can
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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