The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I'm really busy with my period
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