I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
