i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
