boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
