the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
