A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
