i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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