i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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