Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
