I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
