I met the friendliest cop last night
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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