pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
