Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
