It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
