people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize