Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
