Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
