You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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