New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
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