I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Everything about him screamed your future.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
