Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
