tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
