You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
