Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
