When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
