I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just saw a hot homeless man
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
