considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
