Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
