I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
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