Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
