I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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