bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
