so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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