3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize