I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
