So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
