Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
