meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
