We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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