lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
we have officially lost it.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
