I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
