ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
