woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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