Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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