i may or may not be watching the land before time
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
