Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
