I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
