why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
