dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
we're making bets on your personal life
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Randomize