i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
