6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You can't special order awesome
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
