it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
birth control should be required to get into college
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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