Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
