if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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