So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
