ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
