I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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