Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Randomize
