i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
