Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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