walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he was CRYING into my vagina
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
