On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
there is glitter all over my balls
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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