My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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